"Needing someone is the fastest way to kill a
"But we all like to feel needed."
"Then stop it. Like to feel unneeded instead -
the greatest gift you can give someone is
strength and the power not to need you,
need you for nothing"
Given to Neale Donald Walsch... by God
"Conversations with God" Book 2
ego. It lives deep inside your mind and it thrives on fear, judgment,
jealousy, hatred, anger, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, control,
expectations, doubt and many other negative thoughts and emotions. And
yet, we should bless the experience of the ego. Why? Because of it we
make choices that serve as valuable reference points that eventually
define who we don't want to be.
The ego, which is famous for making judgments about others, is also
the root source of most failed relationships, especially the romantic
kind. Because of the guilt it can inspire, it also hinders us from
understanding that sexuality can be sacred.
the Spirit, has some very insightful things to say about the ego and
relationships. His words and insights are much better than mine so
I'll let him speak for himself...
we begin to discuss deep, personal relationships, we are led to talk
about unconditional love; because that is the eventual goal."
"Many of you feel this kind of deep love is beyond your reach
until you "fix" yourself and your life...
That will never happen... you will never be fully content with
yourself and your life when you view it through the ego
Your ego would like you to believe love is complicated
You have all had moments where you experienced deep love... those
moments are difficult to maintain when they are shattered by the
arrival of... perceived differences, feelings of superiority,
judgment, inferiority and separation
With the arrival of separation, the feeling of love seems to
disappear... what has happened to that feeling?
Let's say you meet someone and find yourself enchanted by this
person... deep within you something moves... you feel, not just
excitement, but a sense of being comfortable, of being safe of being
in the presence of something so important and so special that you find
yourself willing to share your life with the person you think gives
When you meet someone whose energy field moves you in such a way, some
aspect of your soul, the God-part of you responds
In those early days, weeks and months of the relationship that feeling
is built upon...
Here is a person you can share everything with... who, from the depths
of their being, shares who they are with you
In the presence of each other, you both find yourselves more
forgiving... things that would, in the past, agitate you terribly
fade into the background...
When you have this love in your heart... you become more allowing,
more understanding, more loveable yourself... these are truly magic
This coming together is a moment of recognition, when the possibility
arises that there may be one person who will find enough value in you
to stay steady in your life... thereby, giving you the opportunity to
find out who you really are
Then one day, perhaps without even knowing where it comes from, there
arises in your mind a judgment
"Hmmm," says the lover about the beloved, "I don't
think I like what is happening... I think it might be a little
uncomfortable to live with that characteristic for the rest of my
At this point nothing is said; but the moment that first small
judgment comes in, you begin a process that you may be stuck with for
the rest of your relationship
The process is... judgment leads to doubt, which leads to more
judgment, which then accumulates over the years
Of course, the other person is in the same process... so at the very
earliest stages, this separation begins to arise, and it will continue
if nothing comes to break the pattern
At the start of the relationship, when the soul began to move toward a
partnership of deep union, that yearning was so powerful it was
able to silence this judgmental little voice
But the little voice (ego) is speaking quietly in the background all
the time, whispering things like, "He or she didn't do it right,
didn't do it quickly enough;" or My beliefs, or family or
background are just a little more 'right' than his or hers."
When this powerful, new love energy wells up, the small, insistent,
nagging ego-voice seems to cease... remember this, because this is
where your hope lies
It is possible to begin to silence the ego by getting in touch with
how you felt when love first sprang up in your heart
Most people, however, try to find another person to feel this with
instead of trying to find what once was."
I could go on
for quite some time with Bartholomew's wisdom on relationships and the
role that ego plays in destroying them. Quite frankly, I've just
touched the surface on the advice he offers.
essence, what he is saying is that there is a real purpose behind
relationships, especially the romantic kind. That is, in the early
stages of romance, we love every thing and every one. All is sacred.
We are patient, tolerant, accepting of the other's faults, forgiving
and understanding, gentler, kinder, giving, joyful and we become so
is the divine goal of romance; to bring us to an understanding of
unconditional love and then being it. Why? Because that is who we
really are, Beings
of Light, who have
forgotten our divine heritage. In the process of being unconditional
love, the ego slowly fades into its rightful place
within our minds and we awaken more and more to
God-centeredness and our true spiritual nature. Then we are free as we
were a long, long time ago.
highly recommend you read the book "Bartholomew, Planetary
Brother," pgs. 121-147. It is filled with insights that make so
much sense about romantic relationships with others. It not only
serves as a blueprint for lasting and fulfilling partnerships but also
explains how we can heal our relationships.